It’s only Wednesday, and I’m feeling wrung like a sad and soggy washcloth. It’s been a long week so far. I’m currently sitting at my kitchen table in the dark, eating sauerkraut (as the Dutch do), whittling a fork with my right hand and exploring Pinterest with the left. Pinterest is always so therapeutic. A lot of people use Pinterest to shop, or to bookmark tutorials. I use Pinterest for purely aesthetic purposes. It’s my virtual scrapbook, a collage of places and pretty things I will probably never get to do, buy, or see. But I can own these images in the tiniest sense, when I post them to one of my Pinterest boards, adding them to my digital collection of dreams. Tonight, my pins are gloomy, and accurately reflect my mood. Have a look and see if you can guess my feelings:
I’m usually much more of a visual blogger, but I need a good vent so here’s what’s on my mind tonight.
1/ I’ve gained at least 8lbs since this time last year. I’m not fat by any means. Most of my jeans still fit. But I can tell my eating habits are different and I don’t feel as sexy. I could give lots of excuses. I fell down two months ago and really hurt my hip. I changed my birth control. I drank way too much alcohol in Portugal. I’ve been working ungodly long hours. Blah blah blah. Bottom line is, I need to get my act together and get back to my healthy habits. It’s not really about the number on the scale, it’s about feeling physically good, energized, and positive. And honestly, for the past few months, I’ve felt like a slob. So what will I do?? Make more of an effort to get to the gym. Plan out healthy meals and snacks so I’m not jumping on every cookie that comes my way. Sometimes say no to the cookie. Sometimes eat a big ass cookie and just ENJOY it. And stay positive. Positivity breeds positivity, and that’s something I can work at, despite the long hours, sore hip, or beer belly!
2/ I have a terrible urge to roam and I’m feeling stuck. B and I are quite tied to Amsterdam at the moment, which is fine. Great job, great apartment, great support network. But I’m a nomad at heart and am ready for a change. Fall makes me feel gloomy. Don’t get me wrong, I love crisp leaves, pumpkin pie, and cold air, but watching the seasons change while I’m stuck sitting here is depressing. So what will I do? I have so many opportunities to explore Amsterdam and this side of the world. I need to flip my thinking and stop feeling tied down to my address. It’s not about where you wake up, it’s about where you plan to go in the day, who you wake up next to. And these things are good. Great, even. I need to focus on them more.
3/ Truth is, I’m also feeling a bit homesick. It’s been 9 months since I’ve hugged my Mom. Or got an iced coffee with my Dad. Or bickered with my sisters. I miss my girlfriends, New England traditions, and having a loving family nearby. I’m a big kid, starting my own home, so I know I shouldn’t feel this way. But man, I would really kill for one of those Mom hugs. I have my ticket for Christmas booked, so I need to focus more on this. I have three solid weeks planned in Maine, and so many exciting things to do in that time. And in the next two months, I can make an effort to reach out more, to call my Gramma or Dad when I want to chat. I may not be able to give my Mom a hug, but I can send her postcards and chat with her on the phone, and that in itself is a great gift.
Anyways, thanks for letting me vent, I’m really grateful for all of my blogging buddies :) And I promise to keep Pressed Words a 99% percent happy place!! And on that note, I leave you with some happy parting words.x