It’s typical to make a wish on your birthday. Prosperity. Happiness. Ponies. While I didn’t quite know what I wanted for twenty-nine, I knew I wanted it to be memorable. And so, after a bit of deliberation, I decided to kill off my friends, one by one. I wanted excitement, intrigue, and above all, murder. I also wanted to be Taylor Swift for the evening. Happy somewhat-irrational birthday to me!The wish wasn’t entirely preposterous. My good friend Michael and I had been toying with the idea of throwing a murder mystery dinner party for quite some time. Michael is a fantastic host and owns a massive dinner table (bigger than the table I celebrated at Spaghetteria last year) and as of late, I’ve had a bit of free time on my hands and have been *dying* to pen a murder mystery. And so Michael and I joined forces to throw a deadly-awesome somewhat-bloody twenty-ninth birthday party extravaganza for moi! You may be wondering where and how Taylor Swift fits into all of this.
As the author of the murder mystery, I had to choose a theme for the party. Most people opt for a roaring twenties mystery, adhering to a decadent Great Gatsby theme. While I would have loved to don a diamond-studded headband and dress as Daisy Buchanan, I felt obligated to create a unique murder mystery plotline. You only turn twenty-nine once :)
I was listening to Taylor Swift’s Bad Blood when it hit me – intrigue, sex, scandal, and bad blood are daily hindrances in Hollywood. Just look at Taylor Swift and Kanye’s kerfuffle at the MTV Video Music Awards. Or the Nicki-Taylor social media drama leading up to the 2015 VMAs. Or the Miley-Nicki drama at the 2015 VMAs. Or the Taylor-Katy feud. Or the John Mayer-Taylor love saga. Or the Jake Gyllenhaal-Taylor love saga. The list goes on and on and on. Really, it’s impossible to keep up with who is f***ing who in Hollywood, figuratively and literally. And so I decided to make my murder mystery birthday dinner a satire, poking fun at Hollywood and the celebrities we love to hate.My Maine bestie, Amie, flew into town on the morning of my birthday. I was super excited to have her visit and also thankful to have an extra pair of hands on the big day. Michael and his amazing house guest Celeste helped decorate, while I spent the afternoon in Michael’s kitchen, making big Italian salads and savory spaghetti sauces. By 6pm the table had been set and dinner was *mostly* cooked, and so Amie and I popped back to my house for a quick shower and costume change. After arriving fashionably late to my own party (whoops), it was time for the festivities to begin!Everyone received a character assignment prior to the party. Numerous celebrities were in attendance. Nicki Minaj, Lorde, Joe Jonas, Gigi Hadid, Katy Perry, John Mayer, Calvin Harris, Miley Cyrus, and of course Taylor Swift with her two cats Olivia Benson and Meredith Grey (just to name a few!) There were Swifties (the ultimate Taylor Swift fans) and even an unannounced surprise appearance from Justin Bieber.
Dannika . . . erm . . . Kim Kardashian even brought little North West to the party. Making the event delightful and family friendly.That is, until *MURDER* struck.
Unfortunately it was Bieber himself who passed, stabbed in the neck with an oversized nail. There were several characters in the room when the crime was committed – Olivia Benson, Meredith Grey, Ed Sheeran, Kanye West, John Mayer, Selena Gomez, and Taylor Swift. The remaining party guests were detectives, and had to guess why Justin had been eliminated that night and by who. Was it for revenge? Lust? Jealousy? Was it the cat? Or the spiteful ex?Everyone mixed and mingled trying to detect the killer, and there was even a special musical performance by Ed Sheeran. Second half of the film – hahaha!
Taylor is lucky to have such a gregarious and talented best friend.
At the end of the night – the killer was revealed. Gigi Hadid, a beloved member of Taylor’s #Girlsquad successfully guessed the killer. It was Olivia Benson, Taylor’s unsuspecting (yet crazed Belieber) cat who had murdered Justin. Olivia’s character card read . . .
You’re a Belieber – one who has been obsessed with Justin since he reached tiny-bopper fame more than a decade ago. Taylor might think you’re her sweetest cat, but in reality, you’ve developed a grotesquely twisted plan. Inflicted with an obsessive case of Bieber Fever gone bad, you plan to execute the pop star and castrate him. If successful, it will be the most infamous celebrity crime of the century – a plot to assassinate—and desecrate—the world’s greatest teen idol.
As much fun as I had writing the mystery, I couldn’t make this stuff up. I created Olivia’s character based on a real psychopath from Vermont who had planned to execute Justin in Madison Square Garden. Crazy stuff . . . and in real life, totally NOT funny. But amidst an evening of role play, carried out by a Scottish Fold? Definitely some satire in the plot.
The rest of the evening was spent boozing. The party was on a Thursday (work) night, so I’d love to tell you that we didn’t go out drinking and dance until 5am. But we did. And it was epic :)
xo Taylor Swift (aka Ali)